Life Lessons in Leadership

The U.S. semiquincentennial has me reflecting on the lessons my life’s experiences have taught me about leadership. Full disclosure: I have recently started writing a memoir. So, my reflection isn’t rooted solely in the country’s historical milestone.

My memoir spans my early teen years, during which I discovered that I carry the burden of the family health curse: migraine disorder. Not that uncommon, as one in five women in the U.S. has this disorder. But add into the mix a military family, the early 1970s, the Vietnam War, and the San Francisco Bay Area, and you have some drama.

More to come on that.

For now, let me say that my background colors my views on what makes a good leader. Those views were further refined by my experiences as a teacher, technical communicator, and program manager. Then they were topped off by my experiences as a community volunteer and non-profit board member.

Now, at the memoir stage of my life, which coincides with an extraordinary time in my country’s history, I share some comprehensive thoughts on leadership.

A View from the Parade Stands

The shape of my leadership ethos was informed by my experiences as a military brat. As the daughter of an Army doctor, I experienced military life mostly as an observer—from the parade stands, if you will.  But living on and off U.S. Army bases and moving every 1 to 3 years had their effects.

From these experiences, I learned:

• In a new environment, take time to identify the influencers and learn the unspoken rules.
• In a new leadership position, show rather than crow your competence.
• Practice patience with slow-moving processes but always follow up. If something has been overlooked or poorly executed, start from that point and move forward.
• Maintain loyalty to your crew, as long as doing so doesn’t cross boundaries or compromise your values.
• Watch your “six” (your back) always.

Lessons from the Migraine Wars

For over 50 years, I have had episodic migraine attacks in the form of hemiplegic migraine symptoms with aura. These types of migraine attacks are particularly devastating because the symptoms often mimic those of a stroke. I see funny lights, experience temporary aphasia, and lose sensation in parts of my body for up to an hour. And yes, after all that, the terrible headache begins.

As I have mentioned in this blog space before, migraine is a whole-body neurological disorder. And it’s hereditary. So, no escape. But I have educated myself, worked on prevention—though few options were available until recently—and have coped with attacks as best I can.

Here are the leadership lessons learned from my years as a migraine warrior:

• Talk about what bothers you. Sometimes you can’t hide your freak, but you can help others understand what you are experiencing.
• Maintain your cool as best you can. Losing it usually makes things worse.
• Guard day-to-day rhythms as much as is feasible. Many people need them to survive.
• Don’t stop fighting the pain (points). Giving up can boomerang, sending you (or your team) to a worse place than you were before.
• Change (an attack) is inevitable. Know it, accept it, learn from it.
• More things are adjustable than you think. Lean into that flexibility when you need to.
• When you are most vulnerable, you have to trust others. Choose those others wisely.

Takeaways from Teaching

After starting my career in secondary education (middle school and high school in the U.S.), I have returned to instructional roles from time to time. I’ve taught university students (undergraduate and graduate), have spoken at conferences, and given professional webinars.

Nothing challenges you like trying to move someone intellectually (and maybe emotionally, too)—taking them from a place of discomfort with the topic to a place of confidence. The challenge involves both personal engagement and objective assessment. Not an easy path.

Here are leadership lessons learned from my experience as an instructor:

• Clarity rules—especially when you are providing step-by-step instructions. Being clear and succinct is even better.
• Read the room. Gauge your effectiveness in the moment and adjust immediately, even with just a minor acknowledgment.
• Show the empathy you feel. Your ability to connect with someone will stay with them longer than the topic will.
• Listen for frustration. Encourage questions, then listen for the pain points. Do what you can to remove them.
• Be fair. Apply standards evenly and consistently. You lose ground if you are not perceived as fair.
• Pick your battles. Decide early on which boundaries are absolute and which are flexible. Then stick with the program.

The Best from the Back Office

I have spent most of my corporate career in roles that others see as “support” roles—“back office” stuff, as one vice president once put it. Those roles have included technical writer, technical editor, program manager, and content strategist.

Most of these roles involved learning or inventing new systems to keep the work flowing and the quality consistent. Of course, they also involved doing the work and showing progress. Even then, the work wasn’t necessarily always visible or appreciated. I used to sign my team emails with “Onward” or “Best” (and sometimes accidentally “Beset” !!).

Here are leadership lessons learned from the corporate “back office”:

• Release dates don’t determine when the work is done. There is always another version, another opportunity, on the horizon.
• Don’t throw away anything. Save or archive unused work product; you might need it later.
• Work aids like templates and guidelines save time and enforce consistency. Keep them simple and accessible.
• Metrics are both dubious and necessary. Learn to live with them, but don’t steer the ship with metrics as your sole guide.
• Allow time to blow off steam. A lot of steam can build up when the work is unrecognized.

Evolving Through Volunteerism

Since my earliest corporate position, I have always volunteered, either in my profession or in my community. I have contributed at both the hands-on and board levels. And I am happy to report that I have learned much and laughed a lot. Every minute was worthwhile.

Here are leadership lessons learned from volunteering:

• A crew will show as much loyalty to the leader as they will to the cause. Cultivate both.
• Work as hard as you expect others to.
• Any sense of control you have is an illusion. Learn to ride the waves of chaos.
• Show appreciation as much and as often as possible.
• Borrow the wisdom of others: Laugh when you can. Cry when you must. Nothing lasts forever.

Bonus: Reflections from Reading Widely

I have been a lifelong book lover and have been blessed to participate in multiple book clubs over the past couple of decades. The oldest one (in every sense of that word), I am happy to report, is still going strong. Along the way, I grew to love sophisticated mysteries and strong women authors.

All the books I have read have taught me something, but the simple wisdom of Louise Penny’s character Inspector Gamache has stuck with me. So, I’m sharing it here as a final thought this month…The five most important phrases you will ever say:

• I don’t know
• I am sorry
• I was wrong
• I need help
• I love you (added by me)

Thank you to my subscribers and readers. Blessings to all my compatriots.